You may have seen the programme Teen Boob jobs: too much too young on the UK’s ITV2 television channel on 12 November. Let me make it plain from the outset that my viewing interest was that of a respected cosmetic surgeon. However, there were two revealing comments from the section covering “Toni” that may spike the interest of the finance world.

[1] Toni’s Mum: She can make decisions and half the time she does make right decisions.

[2] Toni’s best friend: How you gonna afford it and stuff?
Toni: I’m getting a loan.
TBF: You do realise you’ve got to pay extra money back?
Toni: Yeah, I know that. Obviously.

Some in the financial world might say that Toni’s Mum was the inspiration for Mr Mervyn King’s breaking cover yesterday with the motherly cautionary observation that:

"…if there were to be an adjustment of risk premia in equity markets with a fall in asset prices then that could have a bigger impact on the world economy."

That may be so: at least both parties are resigned to the inevitability that youth and the profit motive will have their heads – don’t entangle either with one’s own neuroses and paranoia even if a 50% success rate worries one a bit.

And indeed, why (else) should one? It is such bold and far-sighted personal development decisions as Toni’s that keep the economy humming along. This is, after all, recurring spending: Toni knows from her research that implants require decennial maintenance. And, as a surgeon in the field, I can personally attest to the fact that my discretionary spending is largely dependent on clear-thinking patients like Toni.

Which brings me to the second comment: what unexpected wisdom demonstrating an awareness and fiscal responsibility that those who lament the state of our youth must only find encouraging! And it may offer, if I may be so bold, an entirely new definition of asset-backed loans for investment bankers to work their securitization magic upon: unsqueezable breast-backed instruments can slide neatly into the breach left by sub-prime, AAA securities et al.

All well worth considering in light of the commerce ministry of China’s recent first-time public worries about reduced financing availability for silicone prosthesis procedures in the US (I can read between the lines of the FT-speak). If Toni and those she exemplifies were unable to invest in themselves the consequences may be dangerous for the carefully calibrated production capacity hundreds of laissez-pas faire mandarins have carrotted-and-sticked into place over there for so many years.

In all our interests, this is surely a test of chaos theory to be avoided.

With kind regards to you and your readers I remain,

Yours sincerely

Professor Sir “Siv” ABC Papier-Wobbler
FRS FRCS (Oxon), MDMS PhD (Cantab), FRCP FRCOG (Guadalahara), MS (Karachi), MS (Bangkok), B Litt (Phil), D Litt (Ottawa), B Sc (Liege)

PS/Here's an excerpt from the programme should you have you missed it:

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  1. Macro Man // 11/16/2007 05:33:00 PM

    Professor Papier-Wobbler

    Fascinating exposition, sir, and I commend you on your financial acumen and ingenuity. And as an experienced investor in the structured credit space, this sort of thing would normally be right up my strasse. Over the course of the last several months, however, I have discovered (much to my surprise, mind you) that many of the assets in my portfolio are already backed by "falsies." So at this point, I will have to pass. I wish you luck in your future endeavours.

    Charles Danforth Ogden

    Enhanced Leveraged Turd Accumulation Strategies, LLC

  2. Macro Man // 11/16/2007 05:33:00 PM
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  3. "Cassandra" // 11/16/2007 09:49:00 PM

    The thing about assuming a bit leverage for a boob-job is that - practically speaking - unlike say an automobile or a flat-in-fulham, they cannot readily be repossesed. Speaks volumes about New Britannia, adding yet one more reason to Short Sterling Now!!. And, I will say, makes me a tad concerned about my choice to send my eldest through the UK edu-gristmill.

  4. Tai // 11/19/2007 09:27:00 AM

    If you are interested in debt, specifically the American sub-prime story, you may find this clip of a certain famous chimp from those TV commercials getting fired amusing:

  5. Charles Butler // 11/19/2007 11:23:00 AM

    Trading at 6.16€ and a P/E of 308 (perhaps already counting on those residuals rolling in every decade), we have Corporación Dermoestética. Places like this will make better income trusts than, say, Pizza Pizza, by 2015.

    Madrid ticker: DERM.

    Good to have you chained to your punch press machine again,


  6. RJH Adams // 11/19/2007 01:14:00 PM

    Thanks to all.

    MM: CDO & falsies, nice.
    Cassandra: Hopefully Cassandrainha will not feature in future episodes.
    Tai:Nice vid - not sure it will attract clients though!
    Charles: You found my next recommendation! Glad you like it. Re: chains, I'm away again from tomorrow for a couple of weeks.


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